Wednesday, February 11, 2015

"Players That Bail Out On Their Mates Will Reap What They Sow": Tear Lightning

Tear Lightning, a radio talk show personality on 5AO 
and former Mitakihara Magi women's volleyball libero.

"Players That Bail Out On Their Mates Will Reap What They Sow": Tear Lightning

By Satsuki Ranjou
Spirit News
January 25, 2073

Tear Lightning is a member of the Mitakihara University Class of 2054 and also received a Master's Degree in Communications from Leafa College. She works as a radio talk show host at radio station 5AO's studios in Deakin, located 17 km from Leafa's campus in Greenway. Lightning provides play-by-play for Leafa Netball home games as well as Leafa Women's Volleyball. When she is not broadcasting sporting events for the Spirit, she hosts a weekly talk show, "Tuesdays With Tear," which includes interviews with famous sporting and pop culture icons throughtout Australia and Asia.

In a recent segment on the latest edition of "Tuesdays  With Tear," Lightning wasted no time slamming the decisions of the four players from the Leafa gridiron team who elected to transfer to American universities. But the one player that Lightning singled out was none other than halfback Flynn Azuma, who chose to commit to the U.S. Naval Academy. As per NCAA rules, Azuma will not be eligible to play until 2074.

"Flynn's decision was a very selfish one and quite frankly, I want to disfigure his face and break his cheekbones for the disgusting choice he has made," Lightning said. "Listen, if you really wanted to get your education at a service academy and commit your time our nation's military, the Australia Defence Force Academy is down the road! They also have an intramural gridiron team that competes in Gridiron ACT. He is also from Greenway, which makes this decision even more unforgivable.

"For fuck's sake, this lad was a hometown hero for us. He was even named player of the week and was a contributor to our team last year. And he sold us all out and took us for fools by committing to a team that will never win the highest prize in college football. From what I have heard, Marine Amagi is calling off the wedding and has dumped him. She's now looking for a new man on the list of players to tie the knot with. So let's get this straight: Flynn, by choosing to commit to Navy, has not only lost his right to be a part of the Mitakihara Family, but he lost his wife, he alienated the city he grew up in, he alienated his college, and he alienated pretty much all of Australia for that matter.

"I don't think Flynn read the fine print regarding transferring. If you leave on your own terms, you are dismissed from the program immediately. He's turned himself into a nobody, and he had so much going for him. Don't try and talk me out of this, arguing that he's only a first-year and all that rubbish, or that's he's made history as first Australian-born player to play for the Navy Midshipmen. The student newspaper even extolled his praises, and now he's pretty much a traitor to everybody here, like Herman Wallwork, Riley Adashino and Noah Hu.

"The point I'm trying to make, listeners, is that players who bail on their mates and put themselves above the team or their school will reap what they sow. This is not the NFL, where club allegiances are a deliberate afterthought. Flynn will never win another crystal football, Flynn will have it difficult mending fences with Marine, and if he wants to come back here, for some strange reason that only this cad knows, he's have to pay out of his own pocket or take a hike! There is no work-around this: he failed to realize how good he had it here. We're trying to build a tradition of success in gridiron at Leafa College, and players like Flynn Azuma are destroying it by going to lesser teams that have no business being relevant.

"So Flynn, if you're listening right now, hear this: we don't want you back. We don't accept traitors. Leafa is for the most loyal of the loyal, just like Australia was for the Australians during the days of the White Australia Policy in the last millennium. You don't play for yourself, you play for the team and your country. We're facing your school this September and expect us to hammer your new alma mater. I won't be there in America to punch you in the face for betraying your country, but running it up on an irrelevant team like Navy is good enough for all of us."

Lightning also criticized Coach Harding himself on two grounds: first, for failing to schedule UCLA as promised this season, and second, for failing to retain all of the players for next year.

"Coach Harding, with all due respect, is risking losing all credibility and being rendered a liar alongside a nobody football manager like Owen 'Judas Coyle," said Lightning in her segment on "Tuesdays With Tear." "If you're going to announce that you will schedule an opponent, you have to get it done. Nothing against Notre Dame, but if you say you're going to schedule the Bruins, then schedule them. We like people of integrity in the nation's capital because our politicians lack that, and Coach Harding is unintentionally following that path.

"Finally, even though this is his second year as the coach, he needs to learn to keep all the players he has on his team. He can't lose them and start the same players every time. Even giving Flynn Azuma a break and giving him good numbers was not strong enough to keep him here, and as I said, he's a Canberra boy, although to be fair, we should disown him. But going back to the point: rotating players, giving players ample playing time and also not recruiting too many players at positions where we already have depth can increase the chances of keeping our roster intact. That is the lesson Danny Boy has to learn: keep your players happy or you will lose them."

Leafa's 2073 football season begins on September 2, when they host the Navy Midshipmen at Yunupingu Field in Canberra, ACT. The game will be broadcast on Seven Network, 5AO and 3TK.