Friday, February 6, 2015

"We're Coming After You Aggie Blokes": Dan Harding

"We're Coming After You Aggie Blokes": Dan Harding

By Graeme Wong
Spirit News
November 13, 2072

The strains of an old American West standard, "Rawhide," was pumped through the air by the Leafa College Spirit Pep Band, the first-ever marching/pep band to include instruments normally reserved for a symphony orchestra, namely violins and other string instruments. The Spirit Pep Band normally plays this song at the end of a decisive game involving the Leafa Spirit, and on Spirit Senior Day at Yunupingu Field in Canberra, ACT, it was decisive as Dan Harding's Leafa Spirit Gridiron Team crushed the Fresno State Bulldogs, 197-38.

"We're coming after you Aggie Blokes," said Coach Harding after the game to the fans who stayed for the rally speech, referring to the other unbeaten team in college football, Texas A&M. "If we face you at the end of the year, we will destroy you and show you the power of the Aussie Thunder From Down Under!" The declaration was met with a great roar from the fans, some of who were absolutely shirtles and screaming their tops off.

Halfback Flynn Azuma, who did not play a single down all season until today, rushed for 335 yards and nine touchdowns while catching seven passes for 83 yards and another major. Cornerback Lincoln Yama set a school record for interceptions in a game with seven picks. Quarterback Lachlan Akai, making his first-ever start despite being named the captain of the team, passed for 355 yards and seven touchdowns while rushing for 343 yards and four more scores.

WIde receiver Oliver Isaki caught four passes for 90 yards and two touchdowns, halfback Ethan Wakamatsu caught four passes for 63 yards and two scores, left guard Jacob Esera led the blockers with 17 pancakes and left end Sam Touzokuyama paced the pass rush with five sacks on the day. Halfback Noah Hu returned a kickoff 60 yards for a touchdown late in the second quarter.

Leafa improve to 10-0 and will conclude the home-and-away season with a couple of away matches. Next week, they will test the self-professed center of the universe (which is an obvious lie designed to get a rise out of young virgin women) known as San Jose State at Spartan Stadium. The Spartans are currently 6-4 on the year and need to win to secure bowl eligibility.