Thursday, August 20, 2015

"For fuck's sake, we're not a stepladder!" -Dan Harding


"For fuck's sake, we're not a stepladder!" -Dan Harding

By Naoto Suzukawa
The Spirit News
November 12, 2075


Leafa College will be honouring the fourth-year athletes of the Class of 2075, and many of them play gridiron for Dan Harding's Spirit, who will face the San Jose State Spartans in Spirit Senior Day 2075 this Saturday at Yunupingu Field in Canberra, ACT. The event is declared a sell-out. Addressing the media this week, Coach Harding was venomously vulgar when slamming the recent rankings which see the Spirit remain No. 2 across the board.

"For fuck's sake, we are not a stepladder!" Coach Harding exclaimed to the media. "What a load of bollocks these so-called journos concoct every week with their insipid rankings. We're now second to a run-of-the-mill side in West Virginia after Virginia Tech fell last weekend. Absolutely mind-boggling rubbish.

"You all saw the results the past few weeks. We play this game of griddy better than any of the other blokes across the rim and we still take the piss by being ranked No. 2. Mind, this is a team that the USA national side would die having, a team that NFL scouts have generous amounts of sleeps over, knowing they don't need the film to know how top-notch they are, and what do the bloody Yanks do? They rank us second. AGAIN.

"We'll just have to pray to the heavens that Oklahoma smashes them over the weekend because we have business to take care of against San Jose. The Spartans won't be in the postseason, so this is their bowl game. We won't take them lightly and the fourth-years want to leave a final impression for their mates in the classroom, their significant others, their parents, and our country, so the challenge is accepted and we're out to work, even if our victory sees us unranked next week."

The match will be broadcast live on 5AO and the 5AO Leafa Sports Radio Network, as well as on One and One World Sports globally.