Wednesday, August 26, 2015

"I bring Auntie everywhere I go": Brock Ebina-Doma

Nana Ebina and Umaru Doma, the mother and aunt (respectively) of Brock Ebina-Doma.

"I bring Auntie everywhere I go": Brock Ebina-Doma

By Carol Craftman
The Spirit News
September 17, 2076

These days, Leafa College Spirit Gridiron first-year punter Brock Ebina-Doma has racked up the frequent flyer miles. From Canberra, to Los Angeles, to Chicago, to Omaha, to Detroit, to Los Angeles and back to Canberra, the jet lag hasn't affected Brock's form. The secret? A living plushie called Umaru-chan, a plushie that has the spirit of Brock's aunt Umaru, allowing her to experience Brock's daily life while minding her own. It eats, sleeps, talks, and even goes to the restroom and washes up. In short, it is a plush with soul-lots of it, and as a result, it has become the team's de factor mascot. Brock likes to call the plushie the same as the human version: Auntie.

"I bring Auntie along with me everywhere I go: on the plane, on the bus, on the sidelines with the equipment, everywhere," said Brock while practicing coffin corner drills at Houraisan Centre. "She always dotes on me and gives me some tips on how to do better at my position. I assume she is simulating the game over in Launceston in dynasty mode when she has her free time.

"She's never been to America until her plushie form was made thanks to the power of technology from researchers at Mitakihara University. So our Canadian friends allow me to have essentially Auntie living with me in my dorm. Sometimes she walks by herself, sometimes she sits on my shoulder, sometimes she sits on my head, but generally I carry her like a stuffed animal.

"She now knows what a men's locker room looks and smells like. She also knows how it feels to be in a dorm bedroom with all guys and all girls in their underwear. It was an experience that she would never live down, likely because Mum [Nana Ebina] already experienced the touch of a man and loved it. Auntie's hoping to have a child herself through Madocoit with Aunt Kirie [Motoba] but it has a high price tag. She's thinking about it, though.

"I told my mates, I'm making Auntie our mascot for the next four seasons. I will complete my eligibility here and everybody will get to know my aunt very well. You'll have fun talking with her, eating with her, sharing dirty secrets and lewd sweet talk with her. She's my aunt, she's an adult, she can handle it. So I hope everybody on campus get to know Auntie. She's amazing. Really."