Thursday, December 8, 2016

The Story Of Ken Sazanami's (Adopted) Big Sister And Cheap Thrills


Kano Sazanami, Tsubame Murota and Souta Kishibe, the designated father, designated surrogate aunt and biological father of Ken Sazanami. Emi Murota is Tsubame's daughter and Ken's adopted big sister. Murota and Kishibe passed away before both children were adopted/born.


The Story Of Ken Sazanami's (Adopted) Big Sister And Cheap Thrills

By Reiko Bell
The Spirit News
December 24, 2077

Leafa Spirit recruit Ken Sazanami, a quarterback coveted by the team for his arm and mobility, could have lost his adopted big sister, Amy Murota, due to the Elimination Games years ago involving his parents, Koyuki Himekawa and Kano Sazanami. But miraculously, the fetus survived thanks to some emergency procedures, allowing it to live and be available for adoption after being nurtured in the ICU. Koyuki's parents chose to adopt Amy (Japanese name Emi) while maintaining the original household name as a link to the past. The parents also raised Ken until they reached middle school age and moved to Australia.

"At my house," said Ken, "I have this jumbo broomstick that I use to sweep the floor and clean the floor on days when I don't have anything to do. It is said that this was the broomstick that my sister's biological mother, Auntie Tsu, used to possess before she died but I naturally doubt it and dismiss it as myth, but I don't hold that against her because she had the charm and maturity of Auntie Tsu. Mama Kano says that Ames sounds like Auntie Tsu but she speaks English really well that I don't detect any accent.



"I never disclosed this to you hack writers at the Spirit News but my big sis absolutely behaves likes Auntie Tsu; it's like I have two moms and an aunt doting on me. It gets embarrassing. Well, I have the spirit and personality of my uncle, or rather my real father, so it does feel like I have a, I don't know, harem or something. But the advice and presence of my big sister, even if she was adopted, is a sign that life it importance, and the essence of success at living life to the fullest is part of our DNA.

"So my sister is planning to also enroll at SCA, maybe play field hockey or field lacrosse. She has dreams of playing with one of the junior national teams and specializes as an attacker. Of all the people that encouraged me to take up gridiron, Amy is the one person that forecasts at least one Heisman Trophy to my credit. She is very bullish on me being the man with the plan to spread Leafa Love across the land. One time, Amy was bold enough to ask, 'Can I be your agent?' I said, 'Let an actual professional do that, and we're still high school students. Don't you have hockey practice or somewhere else to go to?' She says, 'Crap! I forgot! Bye~~~~!' Off the went, the rascal. Indeed, that discussion took place before practice over at our old school in Hoppers Crossing.

"There are times my big sister doesn't take her studies seriously and chooses to be a prankster. Amy likes to crack jokes and talk about the stories of fallen celebrities and people who like to show up deliberately intoxicated at functions, arguing that this is part of the essence of adulthood. Surreal storytelling, surreal tall tales about young turks who think they are all that and more, and that's just scratching the surface. When it comes to smack talk, my big sister delights in winning debates. She may not be a devout academic (au contraire, she is a freewheeling shyster), but she's as smart as Mama Aya when it comes to being resourceful, and that's fine and dandy.



"So one time, about several months ago, big sis and I were looking up university options and we looking up Mitakihara University, and the network of campuses. There are two campuses in Canada, one in Japan where my parents are from, and one in Australia. Furthermore, the information showed that the Australia campus, called Leafa College, had its own preparatory school located on the grounds of a cathedral. Amy told me, 'Kenny, let's ask mom and dad if we can have a go north because this place is not too flash!'

"Allegedly, Mama Koyu and Mama Kano were overhearing and told us they received job offers over in Canberra. As a prerequisite, Mama Kano needed to have her left arm and eye repaired so that she could work her new job. That was done, although with some scars remaining, and she said, 'Give it a go. I'm tired of this place. Koyuki, what do you think?' Mama Koyu said, 'Pack your bags, everyone.' And then the rest is history. We all moved to Leafa Town but since I was essentially the only male in the family (Mama Aya also moved but lives next door by herself), I did most of the heavy lifting.

"People tell me that it must be lonely for me to be the only man of the house. I say, is that really a problem? I can cook, I can clean, I can do yard work, I can do anything that needs to be done, you just have to ask. But I generally like to do athletic stuff, write and compose, and study. I can do stuff that women do, I can do stuff that men do. I can even crossdress and pretend that I'm my biological father as a woman. I've done that, um, 10 times already, and Mama Koyu knows I got his spirit in me so I am not affected by my mother doting on me and spoiling me and my sister. I don't get bored being the man of the house. It's an important role and I believe in playing my role.



"But I will tell you this, my sister is addicted to Halal Snack Packs. Ames believes that the Halal Snack Pack is the culinary gift of record to the world from the Muslim community, even though it's an Adelaide invention. One time, there was this massive tray of chips, garlic sauce, steak, cheese and so on, the whole shebang, only cost $12. Within 10 minutes, she ate it all. The whole thing. She doesn't get fat from eating this. Hours afterwards, her proportions are back to normal. Really. My big sister does not get fat from eating Halal Snack Packs. Just one of those big trays will keep her full for a full day. Rest in peace, dunny.

"In addition, she loves to sing. It is said that my sister sings like the late Dame Sia Furler, who, ironically, was an Adelaide native. Yes, Adelaide, the city that invented the Halal Snack Pack under the moniker of, even more ironic, the Abortion. Her favorite song, unsurprisingly, is 'Cheap Thrills,' and she sounds exactly like Sia. I even know the bass line by heart. It's that addicting of an old-school tune. I bet Auntie Tsu loved that song when she was still alive, too.

"One time at my old school, Amy belts out that bloody song and all the numpties in the classroom shake their fists and roar at the top of their lungs, 'I Want Cheap Thrills!' embarrassing me to no end as they jump up and down, spinning like mindless tops, some shirtless, causing the teacher to shake his head in amusement. It is Amy's official theme song, according to her and according to her friends and according to me, on good word. And I reckon I'll never get that song out of my head again, y'know? It all makes sense; Smartphone games: a cheap thrill that my parents, my godmother, and my deceased auntie and uncle lived for. How fitting is that? Thanks Top Speed-er, Auntie Tsu. I just realized something, I'm out of money. Damn you, big sister!"


Dan Harding's Leafa Spirit face Georgia in the 2078 BCS National Championship Game on 10 January.